An Uncommon Life is a collection of true-life accounts written by Bethany Kelly, the eldest daughter of Peter Amsterdam and Abi (formerly Damaris), recounting memories of her childhood and teenage years, including her interactions with Father David (Grandpa), Maria, and their immediate family.
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(From Luke, 31, a second-generation former member)

After seeing the latest development of Richard Rodriguez brutally murdering Angela Smith, & the media feeding on it as a new sensationalist story, I think it’s time I write about my own experiences in growing up in The Family, & what it has done to my life & career as an adult.

I was born in 1973, a little before the “baby boon” happened in The Family, grew up all over the Middle East, Europe, & Latin America, so I’ve gone through all aspects of the child raising efforts that were put forth. Being very independent, & quite a troublemaker, which means I went through if not all, then definitely most of the discipline programs that were in place for various reasons.

Without going into further details, I had found that I was more fulfilled & challenged working in highly technical fields, than in The Family, so I am not currently leading the missionary lifestyle I grew up in & was used to. According to the very vocal Family detractors, because of my time in The Family, I now should be a psychological mess, doing as little, or less, with my life as they are, & generally worthless!
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My name is Kerenina & when I was little I used to proudly tell my friends, “I’m the same age as Davidito!”

It’s very hard for me to put into words how I felt about what happened. It is very, very sad. I want to express my condolences to the loved ones of those who passed away.

I was really hoping that Ricky would come ‘round or somehow be able to get on with his life rather than turn to hate. I’m sorry to say this to his friends, but it seems you did a very poor job with helping him to “move on"!

From 1995 till early 2003, I lived in East Africa. When you live there & work with the poor, the street children & slum people, or even if you just read the local newspaper daily, your perspective on the terms “abused” & “senseless loss of life” are very defined. These people who say they want justice & want to protect others & make things better & safer ought to take a good look at their own perspective.

I grew up in the Family & in some ways you might call my childhood sheltered. I never experienced anything bad, no sexual abuse, no extreme discipline, etc. This was while my family was travelling through a myriad of countries, working with a wide variety of people. I have no complaints about having had a “sheltered” upbringing, even though it may have made things that I faced as a young adult difficult to comprehend or come to grips with. (more…)

(From Samuel Paquette, age 30, second-generation member of the Family International)

As I read through the recent news articles printed regarding the atrocious murder of Angela at the hand of Rick Rodriguez, I couldn’t help but feel very frustrated and upset with the twist and slant that the news avenues were giving this story. It’s hard to believe that such a ruthless crime would not only be downplayed by the media but somehow twisted in order to make the reader feel that it was somehow justified. I ask myself, where are they headed with this?

There is so much talk in the news today against violence; we hear daily of the atrocities brought about by those who engage in terrorist acts against mankind and our hearts go out to the innocent who die at the hand of ruthless and bloodthirsty suicide bombers, so why then do those who on the one hand speak so avidly against these crimes, turn around and seemingly tolerate them on the other? It just doesn’t make sense!
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By Benjamin Van Nynatten –Rio, Brazil

This will be brief, I promise. I wouldn’t subject anyone to my writing if there was any other way around it, but extreme circumstances require extreme measures so please bear with me, just a little, while I attempt to express my thoughts on this issue.

I will not try to impress you with my style or choice of words, as that would just not be possible even if I sat here all night. Actually, the reason I am writing this is because after reading over the many postings on this site, I can’t wait to get my name on the list as well. If someone is throwing mud at you, well, I want some thrown at me too! If we’re being slandered and lied about, they can’t forget me! And I heard something about a tidal wave that’s coming for us, well hey, I brought my swim trunks just in case. Whatever it is, I’m having a part in it! I’m here to stand by each of you to the end, I’m proud to be counted in the company of the elite.

My name is Benjamin Van Nynatten, and I am 29 years old. I guess this means I was raised at about exactly the same time and, I suppose, in similar surroundings and the environment some claim was abusive and detrimental. It’s been said a thousand times and I want it on my record that personally I was never abused or mistreated in any way during all my years in the Family– my whole life, really. Not only that, but I can say with conviction that I never saw anyone else suffer any sort of maltreatment in all the communities I’ve lived in. (more…)

–Teri (25)
– Married, mother of one

Born and raised in the Family–and so NOT ashamed of it!

No, I mean it! While I’m extremely saddened about everything that’s happened of late–my close friend being murdered for no good reason, Ricky brutally taking someone’s life and then taking his own, so many people taking this situation and using it to their own advantage, the media twisting and contorting the truth—this whole situation has strengthened my faith and belief in the Word and has made me so thankful for my upbringing in the Family like never before. And I think I can say the same for many Family members worldwide.

It baffles me that some of you who are attacking us so vehemently do not get the point or have completely forgotten what the scriptures have to say about persecution, not to speak of the numerous times we’ve come out on top and that the Lord has delivered us from attacks such as these. But then again, when I think about it, you are helping to fulfill scripture.

It increases my faith when verses I’ve memorized come to mind, such as: “Yea and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution. (2Tim.3:12)” Wait! Did that say “live godly"? –Hmmm … Interesting! We must be doing something right! (more…)

My name is Maria Doehler, I am 27 years old, and very happily married to a unique and totally incoercible man. We have 2 kids and are expecting our third in July.

We are here in the Family because we are fully convinced that it is the place where both we and our children will be the happiest and have the best chance at a full and happy life.

My kids are my biggest concern and probably the greatest motivation I have. I love the Family and know so many amazing people within its fellowship, but if I felt that remaining in the Family would endanger our children I would be out of here so fast!

I have a question for Daniel and the rest of our second generation apostates, are you parents? Do you really understand the love of a parent? When our kids were born it’s hard to describe the fierce love I felt for them, and I know Sam (my husband) felt it too. We would do anything we could to help them be happy and successful in life. We are not perfect, nor will you be when you become a parent, but we sure are trying. (more…)

Written by Ariana Matas – a second generation member of “The Family International”

My initial reaction when hearing of the tragic event of the murder of Angela Smith by the hand of Ricky Rodriguez was complete shock and sadness. I wasn’t so shocked however when I heard the blatant lies spread through the media by our detractors. Nor was I shocked when the media just gobbled it up like my goldfish gobble the fish food I throw at them – although comparing the media to my gentle goldfish would be an illusion. I would compare the sensationalistic media of today to voracious sharks who often don’t care who they rip apart as long as they get their fill of “high-rated”, lucrative stories.

I AM shocked though at the unashamed disregard for human life displayed by our detractors and I hope and pray that somehow the general public will comprehend and wake up to the following analysis: If Ricky Rodriguez was capable of brutally stabbing and killing an innocent victim, if others in the circle of our detractors are capable of speaking of physical violence against the members of our missionary community and treat this tragedy with the coldness and hard-heartedness of what you would expect of a serial killer then what sort of a conscience would keep them from blatantly lying and making up false accusations against our community? Think about that next time you’re sitting in front of the T.V. and some sensationalist program comes on spraying the typical but oh so juicy “cult stories”. Think about that next time you pick up the New York Times with the title “Murder and Suicide Reviving Claims of Child Abuse in Cult” (Ooooh, there goes the “cult” word again. How’s that for an eye-catcher?).

Look, the truth is a very different story. I have authority to say this statement on what is the truth because I was also born and raised in “The Family International”. As far as I know the reporter Laurie Goodstein, who wrote the above-mentioned article in the NYT, never visited or lived in any of our communities. I challenge her, along with her distinguished journalist colleagues, to not only interview the “more than a dozen people who grew up in the cult” (Boy, do you guys just love that word….) who speak of the supposedly “horrible treatment” received while in our community but to interview at least a fraction of the several hundred young people who are happy, fulfilled and presently living in our missionary communities. I challenge you to not only cite the abuse stories fed to you by our detractors, but to cite, even if only some of the abundant real life stories of young people presently living in “The Family” who are giving their lives to somehow change for the better their part of the world. Do you dare do that? Or are those true-life stories not qualified as “eye-catching”, “attention-getter” or “lucrative” for the general public? God help the media of today for perverting the appetite of the general public creating an inordinate desire to hear and read lurid, scandalous stories with little, if any, basis on facts and the way things really are.
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I’m a Family-born 29 yr. old, third oldest of a family of nine children and now husband to a precious wife and father of two kids, ages two and four. I’m so thankful that I can raise my family in The Family. I’m so thankful that my parents made the decision to live out their faith in The Family. It isn’t easy to raise kids, (much less nine of them!) and I know that one factor that helped my parents raise us to be happy, adjusted children, was because of the privileged environment that exists in The Family, where we can raise our kids in a healthy, safe atmosphere amid all the negative attitudes and detrimental input via the media and questionable Hollywood role models that parents the world over have to fight against if they want their kids to have values that reflect their chosen faith.

I’ve chosen my faith and I want to past it on to my kids; the third generation of Family members, because I’m very pleased with my parents’ attitudes and behavior, they are pleased with mine and I consider that an important part of the heritage that I want to give my own children. My wife just recently met and joined The Family, and she is also very pleased with the Family ambience where we can put our Christian beliefs into practice. It’s not news to anyone that society at large and any of its institutions offer from little to zero support when you try to live by the standards of your religious beliefs.– And anyone who’s a parent knows that support is imperative when it comes to the trying task of raising a family. I believe in the Family and that it is the best place I could choose to raise my kids. (more…)

By Gabriel Morales, 25 years old
Currently in Colombia

Well the thing that would culminate my life, the thing that would crown my existence, would be to die for my faith. I don’t think there is a better way to prove our point, than to let our enemies prove that when you step out of God’s will, which is determined in the Bible and all the word that we have in the Family, then you leave your life open to all the negative forces that exist in this world. I was born in the Family and left for 7 years, trust me, I’ve had both sides and I have tested the way of life and the way of death. I have really clear which side I have chosen. (more…)

From Celeste DiMattina

The setting of this tragic happening vaguely reminds me of a movie I once saw… I won’t get into critiquing the movie itself and the morals and message therein (seeing as I did not agree with them), but the sick feeling I had for days after watching that movie is almost as bad as the feeling I experienced at receiving news of Angela and Ricky’s deaths. – Probably because I knew the movie was fictional whereas I knew both Angela and Ricky and could not believe I had actually read that notice correctly.

It just didn’t seem right, and it still doesn’t! Angela was such a loving person! There’s no way anyone would want to kill her. And as for Ricky, though I knew he had turned sour and antagonistic over the years after leaving the Family, murder and homicide was the last thing I would have expected any young person raised in the Family to do.

My name is Celeste DiMattina, I’m 26 and was born and raised in the Family. I haven’t lived my entire life in the Family though. When I was a young teen I took a “break” for a few years. At the time I lived with my dad (who is no longer a Family member – though he is one of the thousands who are just fine moving on in life) but as soon as I realized what I was missing – the fun, excitement, happiness, contentment, enthusiasm, joy, peace, etc. (I don’t think I could do the subject justice and the list would go on and on) – from not being in a Family Home and around Family members, I realized I had to get back to the Family as soon as I could. It wasn’t easy to rejoin actually, contrary to what some might say of our recruiting techniques, but I look at it as a time in which I was able to see both sides of the fence and make a concrete decision of just what I wanted to do with my life.
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(From a second-generation member of the Family International)

My name is Esther Stevens, I am 31 and I was born in the Family. I am married and I have five children. Besides home-care and taking care of my children I work on a board that offers counsel to parents in the care of their children as well as organizing camps, activities and events for children.

I am very thankful to my Family up-bringing that enables me to perform the services I provide for others. I had a very happy childhood, my parents were excellent care-givers and loved us greatly as well as provided us with excellent training in reaching out to others less fortunate than ourselves. While we weren’t always affluent in a materialistic sense we never lacked for love and security, and in this we were a close family, amidst our “greater Family”. Even though now three out of the seven of us children (that is my brothers and sisters) have chosen different vocations other than Family missionary membership we still have very loving and caring relations even though we haven’t all pursued the same life-calling and vocations.
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Dawn, 26 years old, married with 2 children (2 years old & 2 weeks old)

Someone once said to me that they feel sorry for my son because he’s being raised in The Family. It hurt a great deal to hear this from a person that I care about & whose opinion is important to me. But no matter who said it, I have to disagree. Yes, he’s growing up in a different environment from what most kids have, but that sure doesn’t make it wrong! To be honest, I feel sorry for those who can’t be proud of their upbringing within The Family. I’m proud of the fact that my life is vastly different from most. I’m proud that I grew up in 7 countries, have traveled to 12 others, learned to speak 3 languages proficiently & have a life that’s actually interesting to talk about. I’ve seen some feel embarrassed & ashamed of their “odd” life, but personally, I think it’s cool & I pray that one day my kids will think so too. But if not, they will still have had a great opportunity to learn many things that will help them to get good jobs, advanced schooling & all that they need to be a success in or out of our Family communities.

Don’t feel sorry for my kids! It’s my God-given right to raise my children the way that I feel is the very best & believe me, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think I was giving them the best. I took a few months in 2004 to seriously consider the aforementioned comment to see if there was any better way to raise my kid. I thought about school, daycare, private schools—everything—& I came to the conclusion that my son has the best right here. He has the best & most loving teacher I could ever hope for & he loves her to bits, he has a head-start on schooling, is secure, has no behavioral or emotional problems & is not in contact with any children that do. If he were in a “normal” school, I know I couldn’t be certain of that. He has all he needs & more & while my daughter isn’t even 2 weeks old yet, she’s got everything she needs too. (more…)

Nina Moore, 29, North America.
(Second-generation member of the Family International.)

I’m Nina Moore, a 29 year old mother of three and a member of the Family International. I home school my children. They have school five days a week. As a mother I am very concerned about every aspect of their lives, emotional, educational, spiritual and social. My whole life revolves around my children. I spend hours planning their school. I have almost no time to myself, as my children are my life. I have organized a Kids Club where, once a week all my friends with children get together and have Bible studies, games, activities, sports and more. My children are part of the local community soccer league. They have a lot of friends, birthday and dress up parties and do all the normal things kids enjoy doing. I am on the Childcare and Parenting board in the Family where we have board meetings to discuss how we can meet the needs of our children.

My eldest daughter, who is eight years old doesn’t even know what “sex” is. She thinks you get pregnant by getting married. (more…)

Hi there, my name is Serghei Pînzaru and I’m 26 years old. I would like to share MY SIDE on the events of January 8th. First of all I’m deeply moved and saddened by Ricky’s murder of Angela. When I first heard about it I was shocked… Even though I never knew Ricky Rodriguez personally I know from the people who knew him that he was a very intelligent young man and that he was happy when he was in the Family International. What made him change??? Contact with antagonistic and hatred filled apostates who is sunk so low that they claim Karen Zerby was the one to blame for what has happened, incredible!!!

My sincere prayers are with the families of those who been involved. The scripture which comes to my mind is this: “Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution”. (2 Tim 3:12)

I’m a member of the Family International for the past 8 years, and previous to that I was a professional ballroom dancer in the Ukraine. What made me change my chosen career and join the Family International? It’s very simple, really, after I’ve met the Family I heard God’s call to: “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature”. (Mark 16:15) Jesus also sad:” If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for My sake, the same shall save it.” (Luk.9:32-24). This and other things moved me to give up my life of pleasure, riches, fame and comfort for going to those who needed help, encouragement and the love of Jesus. (more…)

(From a second-generation member of the Family International)

To the reader:

My name is Bernadine Wolford. I’m an American citizen, thirty-two years of age, born and raised in The Family International, a Christian organization that has been recently highlighted in the media.

I have recently read about the deaths of both Angela Smith and Ricky Rodriguez via the Internet. To say the least, I am furious to hear that someone I met on several occasions (while he visited in Moscow, the second and third times when he lived in Hungary) and regarded as a decent young man could be so enraged with hate to actually stoop to such a low level and kill someone who was his friend in the past. The fact that Ricky put on a pretense and wanted to meet Angela supposedly on a “friendship outing” with the intent of later on stabbing her is absolutely horrific—I can not imagine why any person in their right mind could justify this horrible crime! Now over a week later to hear the twisted, distorted version of the so-called “truth”, calling it a “crime of passion”? It just doesn’t settle well and is even more reason for my writing this. Certain individuals (namely detractors of our Christian group) are bent on destroying our group, saying that Ricky did it because he was abused by Angela Smith, concocting lies that “she was Ricky’s nanny” is so far from the actual truth about his past.
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Hi. I’m Sonia, 27 years of age, and I was born and raised in the Family International. I have lived in Europe, South America, North America and the last 16 years of my life have been in Asia—Japan, Taiwan, and China. I don’t usually get involved in detractor-type controversies, as the truth usually speaks for itself, but right now, I feel I have to say something.

I’ve had a mixture of thoughts, feelings, and emotions since hearing about Ricky Rodriguez’s murder of Angela Smith and then taking his own life.—All of which I have trusted we will come to understand as time went on, since the Lord has promised that: “All things work together for good to them that love Him” (Romans 8:28). I was willing to move on, forgive and…maybe not forget (which is difficult to do with something of this impact), IF the story was left with its bare facts. I still believe that good will come from this, and I am still willing to forgive, but what I cannot believe is the way the media and some of our former members have taken the driver’s seat (without invitation) and like untamed horses are charging to God knows where. It may seem like a fun ride for now, but you may want to take a good look where you’re heading, or you may end up sitting in a crashed pile of lies and distortions of the truth, wishing you had considered things a little more carefully before starting in this direction in the first place.
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Godfrey Thomson, 29, Mexico
(Second-generation member of the Family International)

I’ve really fed off of and have enjoyed reading what everyone has written here. It’s made me think back and reminisce on my childhood and life in general. It’s cool because every night my kids ask me to tell them stories about when I was a kid. It’s been so fun to remember! I hope I can give my kids the same upbringing and experiences I had.

When I think back on my childhood it brings a smile to my face. My life for the Lord in the Family has been amazing. There’s no way I can complain. I’ve lived in the most amazing places and houses and have done things that most people only dream about while they’re stuck at their nine to five dead-end jobs. All the cool people I was able to live with under the same roof. Learning from a wide variety of people with different backgrounds and experiences. Meeting all kinds of people, ranging from presidents of countries and famous celebrities to little fisherman on the Amazon river. I’ve had the privilege of being in recording studios from the age of eight. Singing and recording in several languages and so on. (more…)

I knew Ricky well, we where good friends once. We lived together in Hungary where he met my sister who he later married. My heart goes out to my sister during this difficult time, she is in my daily prayers. I truly believe that no matter what mess we make of this life on this end, on the other side is Heaven, so I draw my comfort from that, I know Angela has her reward and that Ricky can now be at peace.

I knew Ricky before he hated the Family, in the happy days, the days when he was madly in love with my sister. We would all sit on my big bed and we’d laugh and just talk. He was a happy person, loving and kind, always ready to give a hand. I still have a beautiful picture of Jesus both Ricky and my sister made for me on my birthday. Those are my memories of Ricky but I write this not to talk about my feelings on the tragedy but as a reply to the different articles and news clips I have read in the days since the event. I’ve been downright baffled at some of the garbage that has been printed and that our antagonist ex-members would stoop so low during this difficult time. I am not a good writer but I will try my best to explain to anyone reading this about my life, a life I love and have chosen of my own free will. (more…)

By Alexandre Lima, 29, Brazil
(Active Member of the Family International)

I’ve been an active member of the Family for almost 3 years and fellowship with the Family Home in my city, where I participate in the Word classes and social events. Whenever we can, my girlfriend and I go to the Home for fellowship with our brothers and sisters.

I was told of the very sad situation that happened in January and I was very shocked, especially after hearing that so many lies were coming from former members of the second generation.

Since I’ve met the children and young people in the Family I’ve realized how special they are and what a wonderful upbringing they’ve had. The teaching that the parents in the Homes give to their children should serve as an example to any family in the world. It’s ridiculous to imply, much less accuse the Family of subjecting their children to any type of abuse. (more…)

(From Robin Suttin, 30, second-generation member of the Family International)

My name is Robin Suttin and I was born in a Family community in 1974. I currently reside in Mexico. To whom it may concern, I just wanted to write about my life serving Jesus in a Family Home. I am truly proud of the heritage of faith that my parents have passed onto me and for their faithfulness to Christ’s call: “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.” (Mark 16:15)

My life serving the Lord in Family International communities

I feel safe knowing that I live in a cooperative Family Home where if we invite all the members from other Family Homes in the city to a holiday dinner, I can leave my purse in the living room while I eat dinner in the dining room and know that when I come back an hour later, I will find my purse still there in the living room, intact.

I feel secure knowing that I can travel to any Family Home, even across the world and be received and welcomed with the same warmth and care as I do in the house of my own flesh and blood family, by people I’ve never even met before.
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